You can't escape the past
by frenic
Summary: Second Chance under new name due to lameness of old one. Its Harry's 6th year and a strange newcomer enters his life, one who understands him a little too well. contains rape, self harm, suicide - be warned
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I am not JK Rowling, and therefore do not own Harry Potter and any other characters from the books. Raven is however mine, if you wish to use her in a fic please contact me at heartagram@btinternet.com so we can discuss her, she is my baby.

Warnings: This fic contains graphic descriptions of self mutilation and rape in later chapters. I advise you not to start reading if this will offend you, it is vital to the plot.

**Second Chance**

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**Chapter One: The New Girl.**

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Somewhere far across the moor a wolf howled as the full moon reappeared fron behind a cloud. Any human watching the small rocky outcrop in the middle of this particular field would find the presence of a young girl, lying flat out on her back at 3am slightly unnerving, but the girl seemed totally unperturbed by the knowledge that werewolves resided in the nearby forest during the nights of the full moon. It was the early hours of the morning of September the first, and in a few hours she knew that the freedom she had become accustomed to would be removed, so she was spending the last free hours roaming the night freely. She had never forgotten the old man's promise to let her finish her education when the time was right, but had begun to feel like everyone else had. 

From inside a pocket of her baggy jeans she pulled out a thin strip of wood, approximately 10 inches long, and watched the moonlight glint off its polished surface. This wand hadn't been used in a couple of decades, but its power remained, waiting to be unleashed yet again. A sad smile passed over the girl's thin features and she sat up, stretching her neck slightly. Her long, thin fingers ran their way through her ebony hair as she leaped gracefully from the rock and disappeared into the night. 

***

The platform was heaving with both students and parents as Harry, Ron and Hermione passed through the barrier onto platform 9 ¾. They glanced up at the clock, and seeing that they had only three minutes until the departure of the scarlet engine hastily boarded the train to stow their luggage, before waving madly out of the windows to Mr and Mrs Weasley. The panicked dash to the platform had left Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny breathless, and they struggled to recover their breath as they began the hunt for vacant seats.

As the train finally left London, the group were forced to take seats in an already occupied compartment, with a girl none of them had seen before, but who seemed too old to be in the lower years of the school. At Ginny's polite enquiry of "Do you mind if we sit here?", the only response was a loud grunt and voilent nod of the head towards the unoccupied seats. The stranger had one of the weirdest appearences ever sported by a Hogwarts student. Her eyebrow and nose were pierced, while both ears sported two normal pairs of earrings and a random collection of metal bars and spikes. Hermione stared for a moment before turning away, knowing only someone in the Muggle world would have performed such body modifications. Ron, however, had never seen anything like it before, and was utterly amazed at the vast collection of metal that decorated the girl's face. Her hair was a shiny ebony, with the exception of two prominent pink streaks at the front. Luckily the girl seemed engrossed in a Muggle rock music magazine, and was listening to music at extreme volumes via a Walkman. Her clothing consisted of a black short sleeved t-shirt that appeared to represent a band called "Soil" worn over a long sleeved white t-shirt. Her wrists were decorated with many bracelets, ranging from cheap plastic beads to long metal spikes. Her jeans, although fitted around the waist and hips, were far too large around her legs and contained so many pockets that Harry wondered if she had ever filled them all. Even with all this attention the girl seemed blissfully unaware of the scrutiny her fellow students were giving her.

A couple of hours into the journey, the witch with the food trolley arrived as the stranger was changing CDs. Hermione and Harry had spent half an hour explaining to Ron and Ginny just how she was listening to music from bits of shiny plastic. When all five people in the compartment had bought suffiecient snacks to see them through the journey the new girl went to put her earphones back in, but halted with the arrival of Neville Longbottom.

"Where do I know your face from?"

Neville gulped, looking positively petrified clutching Trevor the toad tightly to his chest.

"Oh my God! I've just realised how rude I've been. I'm so sorry, my name's Gabriella Black, but my mates just call me Raven. The hair you see, along with the surname." The five puzzled faces relaxed a little, "I hung around with some strange people, what can I say?" She smiled at the group of Gryffindors before rummaging in a tattered canvas bag for a different CD.

"Why do you have Muggle music? Are you Muggle born?"

Raven laughed a little, "No, far from it in fact. Guess I've just been festering in the Muggle world for too long. My father was killed before I was born from what I've been told. As for my mother, she abandoned me when I was about 4. Didn't exactly fit in with her lifestyle. So I ended up in a Muggle orphanage, went to school with Muggle children, even took a couple of years out to work with Muggles after I did the equivalent of my OWLs. So here I am at Hogwarts, time to do some more studying."

Harry was fascinated by this story. He had never met another witch or wizard born to magical parents, but raised in the Muggle world. Hermione jabbed him hard in the ribs, and seeing Raven's questioning face realised he had been asked something. 

"Sorry, was daydreaming for a minute there. What were you saying?"

Hermione sighed irritably, "Raven was asking where you grew up. We've already answered."

Harry took a deep breath, "I've been living with my Aunt and Uncle since my parents were murdered by Voldemort when I was a baby, then a couple of months ago my Godfather was killed by a Deatheater. Sirius Black, you may have heard of him."

Raven dropped her bag in shock and choked on the chocolate frog she was eating. "Sorry to hear that. If you want to talk come find me any time."

The compartment fell silent, noone knowing really what to say. Everyone was looking at the floor, or their fingernails. Nobody noticed the tear slipping silently down Raven's cheek.

---

AN: sorry it's a short one, I have more written and that seemed the best place to end the first chapter. Won't be long till the next one though. In the meantime please review.


	2. Chapter 2

The night was perfectly clear when the Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogmeade station. Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Neville strolled to the awaiting carriages. Harry, who had hung back to make sure Raven wasn't left on her own, had been lost in the swarm of students. By the time the crowd had cleared the only free seats were with a couple of strange-looking second years. Draco Malfoy saw who Harry would be sharing a carriage up to the school with and let out a snort of laughter. Harry couldn't think of anything to say, but looking at Raven for inspiration, saw that she was simply presenting her middle finger to him. It seemed a good enough retort for nowand the pair climbed into the carriage, sat back in their seats and enjoyed a comfortable silence during the ride up to school.

In the entrance hall, Harry's instinct was to make a bee-line for his best friends, but unfortunately was headed off by Malfoy.

"Got yourself a new girlfriend Potter? No surprise you and Chang didn't work out, she's far too good-looking for someone with a disfigurement like yours." Behind him Crabbe and Goyle chuckled, and Pansy Parkinson was giggling.

"Shut up you insufferable arrogant gobshite. Oh, sorry, that sneer and the attitude that you are the centre of the universecan mean only one thing. Malfoy scum."

"Yeah, and my father…"

"Your father can't touch me unless I was heavily drugged and didn't have the power of movement. If he even **breathes on me I'll rip his throat out."**

The shocked expression on Malfoy's face faded into a grin which showed a hint of recognition, "Oh, I know who **you **are. I'll be seeing you in Slytherin." With the final statement he turned around and strutted off towards his house table. Just as he was about to pass through the doorway his head turned towards the Gryffindors again, "By the way, don't get to close to the girl with the big teeth and frizzy hair, I don't think you'll find the little Mudblood acceptable company. I can smell the stench from here, I'd hate to think what it's like _close up."_

Hermione, Ron and Harry looked questioningly at each other. As they were about to ask about the scene they were ushered into the Great Hall by a harassed looking Professor McGonagall. Spotting Raven she headed over and stood next to her, all the while shooing the students who were staring at the new girl into the hall.

"Ah, Gabriella, there you are! You have to wait out here until the first years arrive, you need to be sorted."

"But Min… Professor, haven't I...?" McGonagall glared for a moment, her lips pursing,

"No, Circumstances may have changed."

The sound of dozens of footsteps on the stone steps leading to the castle doors caused McGonagall to disappear into the Great Hall carrying a stool and a shabby old hat. Raven looked around glumly, suddenly alone amongst a crowd of gawping 11 year olds. 'What am I doing back here?' she thought to herself, vaguely considering fleeing the castle, but before she could put her plan into action a stern McGonagall reappeared.

"When you enter the hall, line up along the front. When your name is called, sit on the stool, put the hat on your head and you will be informed of which house best suits you. While you are here at Hogwarts your house is like your family. Good work will be rewarded with housepoints, misdemeanours will be punished with loss of points. Please follow me."

The nervous crowd entered the hall, and every head turned. A few gasps of surprise escaped people's lips. Expecting to see petrified first years and seeing instead a person two feet taller than everyone else with pink hair and piercings caused a low rumble of urgent chatter.Dumblebore stood, his face stern, but his eyes betraying his amusement.

"Settle down everyone. As you have undoubtably noticed there is a new arrival who is not in first year. She has taken a couple of years out of education after passing the equivalent of her OWLs in America, with flying colour I might add. She will be entering directly into 6th year and I hope you will all make her feel welcome, regardless of house differences. Would you please stepforward to be sorted Miss Black."

Raven met Dumbledore's eyes and walked forward with her head held high, long hair swinging behind her. She sat on the stool and placed the tattered hat onto her head, sure of the answer it was going to give.

"My, my! I remember you. Quite a little stir you caused. Yes I agree that Slytherin was the best choice then, but there is something different about you know, something that can contol your Slytherin side. You're not afraid of the world any more, and you have a strong desire to really help people, and your life experience sees that you always give impartial advice… Hmmm…. Suppose I'd better make you a….

GRYFFINDOR!"

Harry, Ron and Hermione broke into a stunned round of applause, Malfoy's words in the entrance hall had made them sure that there was some sort of connection to Voldemort. As they moved up to allow Raven to sit and finally move out of the spotlight, they caught a glimpse of Malfoy's shocked face over at the Slytherin table where he was whispering to Crabbe and Goyle. The names of the new intake were now being called for their sorting. The numbers at the tables slowly grew, until the last nervous first year took his seat at the Hufflepuff table. Dumbledore stood, his twinkling eyes surveying the room.

"Just a quick word before the feast begins, some of you will remember Professor Lupin and I do hope that you will not allow his lycanthropy to cloud your judgement of a very fine teacher. With that said… tuck in!"

The empty golden plates filled magically with every type of food imaginable. Ron reached greedily for the chicken drumsticks, shoved one in his mouth and filled his plate with a bit of everything. Harry and Hermoine rolled their eyes at him, before helping themselves to the food in a more civilised way. The whole table was however, avoiding a plate of extremel rare steak. Hermione grimaced as Raven reached over and pulled the plate towards her with a grin on her face. Devouring the steak greedily and mopping up the blood with a bread roll a look of satisfaction spread over her face. Only when the plate was completely clean did she help herself to roast potatoes and vegetables. After about 15 more minutes the main course dishes disappeared and the golden plates were once again sparkling. Raven leaned back in her chair, hands on her stomach,

"I must congratulate the House Elf who cooked that steak, absolutely perfect. Now where's dessert?"

As if on cue, the plate refilled themselves with a vast array of desserts and Raven, apprently oblivious to the stares she was receiving chose a large piece of chocolate fudge cake and covered in in fresh whipped cream. The Gryffindor table suddenly regained their appetite and went back to their meals.

Once again the golden plates cleared and idle chatter filled the hall for a few minutes until Dumbledore rose from his seat and silence reappeared. 

"To the new students… welcome to Hogwarts. To those returning, welcome back. Just a few start of term notices before you all retire. Will first years, and some of the older students, please note that the Dark Forest is out of bounds to students, unless accompanied by a teacher. The village of Hogsmeade is also out of bounds for those below 3rd year and those older students without consent forms. Mr Filch would like me to inform you all that the list of banned items now includes anything purchased from 'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes'. The full list of items can be found on a notice board next to the Caretaker's office. Quiddich team tryouts will take place during the second week of term, see you common room notice boards for details. Finally, due to recent events, the Ministry of Magic has offered to help in the running of extra Defense Against the Dark Arts classes for those in 5th year and above, if they wish to attend. The material covered will be non-examinable and those who take the classes will not have any advantage over those who do not in their exams. Signup lists will appear at the end of the week. With that I bid you all goodnight."

The wizened old wizard sat down, and the older students took this as their cue to retreat to their common rooms. Harry, Ron and Hermione stood up, and leaving Harry behind, the two prefects hurried off to show the first years the way to Gryffindor Tower.

"Hey Raven, you coming or not? Don't want you to get lost." Raven almost let it slip that she knew the way perfectly, but bit back the comment and stood, following Harry out of the hall. "So what NEWTs are you doing?"

"Umm.., Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Muggle Studies, Potions and Divination."

"Cool, you'll probably be in four of my lessons then. I don't take Muggle studies or Divination. I do Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology."

Raven faked a look of curiosity as a walking suit of armour strolled by. "Cool." Harry was now unsure whether the comment was relating to the conversation or the suit of armour.

"So, do you play Quiddich?" He said, casually changing the subject.

"I was seeker for my house team, but I'm not allowed to play any more."

Harry felt suddenly threatened, but was relieved when she was eliminated from the competition to be Gryffindor seeker. "How come?"

"Bad… er let's just say injury during my 3rd year. It's dangerous for me to play."

Harry remembered how it had been the tear before when he had been banned from playing Quiddich, and suddenly felt guilty for being glad his housemate couldn't play. "That's gotta suck. I was banned from playing last year by that evil cow Umbridge. Hopefully I'll be back on the team this year. Must be awful to know that you can't play again."

"Not for you, because if I was allowed I'd kick your arse off the team." Raven stuck her tongue out at Harry, and revealed another piercing. Harry nervously felt the need to change the subject again.

"Do they hurt?"

"What, the piercings?" Harry nodded, "Nah, not really. I've had worse pain. It's kind of a good type of pain. The tatts hurt more. Worst bit is the itchiness while they're healing."

"Bit weird, Lavender and Parvarti always get told off for wearing earrings, but you don't get a word about yours."

Raven grinned, "Well, they wouldn't want to turn away the best student in her school simply because of a few bits of metal. Plus normal ear piercings won't heal over in 3 hours."

"Hermione isn't going to like the competition. Smart _and_ drop dead gorgeous. She's going to have a hissy fit." In his embarrassment he almost forgot to stop at the portrait hole which led to Gryffindor tower, and Raven almost forgot to act like she was following Harry. Harry spun around a little too quickly and lost his balance. Grabbing onto Raven for support, he heard the ripping of robes and felt his head hit the ground, and a weight on his stomach.

"Ahem! Black, Potter! What are you doing?"

Raven sprung to her feet, "Nothing Professor McGonagall. We kinda… fell over each other." She offered out a hand to help Harry onto his feet. 

"I _was just coming to check that you had found your way to the tower, but it looks like you had no problem. Do make sure to wear different robes tomorrow Miss Black."_

Harry rubbed the back of his head where it had struck the floor. He looked at Raven who was straightening her ahir and checking her jewellery was screwed in.

"Sorry about your robes, I'm being so clumsy today."

Raven waved her hand at him dismissively, "No worries, easily fixed." She pulled out her wand, waved it over herself and muttered something. A faint glow surrounded her and her robes were as good as new. "See, no damage done, how's your head?"

"I've done worse, even when I'm not playing Quiddich."

Raven smiled, "Should we go in then?"

Harry said the password, and led the way through to the Gryffindor common room. Adopting the tone of voice the prefects had been using with the first years he began to give Raven a tour of the tower. Only Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny were still downstairs to witness the strange sight. Over summer, Harry had become more and more withdrawn, mostly due to the death of his Godfather, but also because of the prophecy that condemned him to either be murdered, or a murderer.

"He seems so happy, let's just hope it lasts. He looks more like the Harry I know."

"Maybe then we'll be able to tell him."

"No Ron, he's not ready to know yet. He still hopes Sirius is coming back. I don't want to upset his world any more at the moment."

Ron and Hermione's conversation was brought to an abrupt end by Raven's arrival over the back of one of the comfy chairs.

"Well, that's the entire tower, apart from the girl's dorm and the bathroom. Oh, does everyone always go to bed this early?"

"Think everyone's tired from the journey and the food. It's nearly midnight anyway, and we have lessons in the morning."

"What? Already? Damn, stupid September 1st rule. Suppose I'd better try sleep then. Shame really, I'm just waking up."

The few conscious Gryffindors traipsed their way towards the dormitories and their awaiting beds.


	3. Chapter 3

Standard disclaimer applies. 

**AN:**** little bit on notation here à /thoughts/ **

Also, I'm being disheartened by lack of reviews. This fic is already in my head and most of it on paper, but if you would like it posting please let me know. Anyways…

**Chapter 3 – A few revelations**

Raven looked over at her clock, 4am. /Why don't I just go out? I'm awake, but I promised Albus I wouldn't. So hungry though. I'll feed you later. Just one, just a little taste. No! Have a bloody cigarette instead. OK, give me one then, and don't forget to banish the smoke afterwards, maybe I can get some sleep then./

She pulled out a cigarette from the box on her bedside cabinet, lit it and began to slowly inhale. Hermione woke up briefly and muttered something about opening a window but dozed straight back off. Looking around the room, Raven saw that Lavender and Parvarti had already decorated the areas around their beds with photographs of pets and posters of the current male magical bands. Hermione only had her prefect duty roster pinned up by her bed. She realised that her part of the room looked unnaturally bare, like she was staying in a hotel, so decided to cut up some of her old magazines for pictures of her favourite bands. Before she realised that she had extinguised the cigarette and cleaned the air she had closed her eyes and fallen into a deep sleep.

"Raven, Raven! Come on wake up!"

"What? Eh? Where the fuck am I?" Raven blinked groggily at the people around her, shielding her eyes from the sunlight streaming through the window.

"Hogwarts. I dunno it looked like you were having a fit or something. You were moving about lots and then you screamed so much you couldn't breathe."

Raven blinked a little more and the faces started coming into focus. "I… I got dressed and came down here, sat down…" /Damn, I forgot how much early morning sunlight hurts my eyes./ "Had a nightmare, that's all. I'm OK." Raven stood up and picked up her bag, "Think I'm just going to explore a bit before lessons, see yas in a bit." She climbed gracefully out of the portrait hole and strode down the corridor. "FUCK!"

***

Professor Snape wasn't in his room when Raven arrived. She was obviously early, having skipped breakfast. The dark stone passageways were exactly as she remembered, exactly as she saw in her nightmares. She closed her eyes, sighed and rested her head against the cool stone, finding the darkness and isolation very comforting, but the silence unbearable. She started to drum her hands randomly on the wall, but quickly found a rhythm. A quick glance around confirmed that there was noone approaching, so she began to sing.

"Drowning deep in my sea of longing, broken your servant I kneel. It seems whats left of my human side is slowly changing in me. Looking at my own reflection when suddenly it changes, violently it changes. There is no turning back now you've woken up the demon in me… Get up come on get down with the sickness…"

Approaching footsteps halted the chorus, and the elfin girl slid down the wall to a seated position, pulled her legs up to her chest and grabbed her hair close to the roots. The position completely hid her face from whoever was approaching, just how she wanted it.

"Well well, cracking up on your first day Black? I think the headmaster will have to be informed of this. I'll be sure he knows that you're still not ready to be here."

Raven's head snapped upwards to look at the intruder in 'her' corridor. The black billowing robes and the contemptuous tone of voice gave it away as Severus Snape. "No _sir. Just tired. My sleep pattern is messed up. Jetlag and all that." Her voice was respectful on the surface, but beneath lay a hint of sarcasm._

"You have your marks Black, I have mine. I know what you are. I know _exactly_ what you are. Don't forget that."

"Go on then, show me yours and I'll show you mine. Shame I know already what I'm going to see, eh Severus?"

"Miss Black, that mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble. Ten points from Gryffindor for being such an obnoxious brat. See how your housemates like that Gabriella."

Raven smirked, "Gabriella isn't here. I thought you would have realised. Sorry, bad assumption on the intelligence level there."

Another three sets of footsteps halted the approaching argument, hurried this time.

"Raven! You're here. Thank God, we hoped you hadn't got lost."

"Miss Black has, shall we say, an amazing sense of direction. Anyone would think she had been here before. Raven is it? Rather suits you, nicknamed after vermin."

Her deep blue eyes flashed dangerously, and by the time she had jumped to her feet, both parties had their wands trained firmly on each other.

"Now now, you wouldn't want to be attacking a teacher would you, automatic expulsion."

"Self defense. You know what happens when I'm insulted Severus. Don't forget, I can own your ass with a click of my fingers. Just one thought and you're mine. You gave me all I need a long time ago. More students are coming, put your fucking wand away."

"I hear noone…" A group of Slytherin 6th years ambled around the corner Raven already had her wand away and was standing nervously with the three Gryffindors. 

"So you're the fourth Musketeer then are you?" Malfoy. " You'll always be a Slytherin in my books, freak."

"Draco, play nicely. You should be welcoming your new classmate. Get inside then." Hissed Snape sarcastically.

Raven took the space next to Hermione that had in previous years been occupied by neville Longbottom. Unfortunately Malfoy took the space on the other side, sneering viciously as the door slammed shut.

"Now, lets see how much you've forgotten. As you are now on an _advanced potions course and we have weeded out __some of the hopeless cases, you can now use more dangerous and volatile ingredients. Today you are going to make a fairly simple potion, which can be used to tame vampires by subduing their bloodlust. The method is on the board. Begin."_

Raven raised her hand. "Yes _Miss Black?"_

"Sir, where do you keep the ingredients that aren't in the basic kit? I've no idea where anything is in here."

"In the store room." He waved his wand and a door opened, followed by the appearance of a large flashing arrow over the door. "Clear enough for you?" The Slytherins sniggered.

"Perfectly, thankyou." She waved her wand and the sign disappeared, "Blue light impairs the vision."

She strolled off confidently to collect the ingredients she didn't have, and returned to set about preparing them.

A few minutes later, Ron turned around to see where everyone else was up to. He nudged Harry in the ribs. "How can she be up to there? I'm only on step three and she's on number 10 already. As if this is a simple one, trust Snape."

The potion was indeed a difficult one to brew, even Malfoy was on the receiving end of some disapproving looks. As Raven reached a stage where the potion needed to rest for 3 minutes, she ducked underneath the table to retreive another roll of parchment from her bag. Malfoy leaned over and dropped something into her cauldron and the liquid turned from a deep green to a wonderful turquoise. Snape grinned, and was about to approach the Gryffindors for a humiliation session when Raven picked a vial of a red liquid from her potions kit. She carefully added three drops of the substance to her mixture, and watched the green return.

"Thanks for that Malfoy, if I needed something I would have asked though. I'm giving you a civil warning not to make an enemy of me. The next time I won't be so polite. Oh, Hermione, watch the surface scum, take it off or you'll end up spending a few days in the hospital wing when Professor Snape makes you test it."

"Ten points from Gryffindor for being a show off Black." Raven shrugged and carried on with what she was doing.

***

"I an't believe he took points off for you stopping Hermione killing herself when he made us test them on ourselves! My stomach is killing me as it is!"

"It's not meant for humans, the method he put up on the board was a weakened version that's on the NEWT syllabus. I made the proper version on autopilot, which is why I'm not screaming in agony right now."

"But you just said…"

Raven grinned, baring her teeth for the first time to show elongated canines. "I'm not human, not entirely anyway. Part vampire. Snape wanted to expose me to the whole school. It's a long story."

"_That's why he chose it? The slimy git. You'd think he'd want to behave himself now You-Know-Who is back. I just can't believe that man! As if he doesn't have his own secrets to hide!" Ron was finally venting his anger at the first potions lesson of the year, "If I didn't have to take it to get into the job I want I would have dropped it."_

"Woah, hold on a minute… I just told you I'm part vampire and you're not bothered?"

"You saved Hermione."

Raven blushed a little, some colour reaching her pale skin, "She's a totally genuine person, and I admire that. It would have almost killed her. Snape didn't have the right antidote."

Hermione flushed a deep red, "I shouldn't have let Malfoy distract me. Stupid little ferret!"

Ron and Harry laughed loudly, making some other students turn around and stare. "Ferret? Am I missing something?"

The old friends laughed again, before explaining about the encounter between Malfoy and the impostor Professor Moody in their fourth year. Raven smiled genuinely again, "You guys are so cool. You really don't judge anyone do you?"

"Only Slytherins!" chirped Ron happily, "We're friends with Remus. Professor Lupin I mean, and he's a werewolf."

Walking down the corridors towards the grounds for break, Harry spotted the Quiddich fixtures for the year, instantly sparking a discussion between him and Ron about who was going to fill up the teams this year. "Bet you Malfoy gets captain." Hissed Ron.

Hermione muttered something that sounded remarkably like "boys!" and took a detour to the girls bathroom. Raven dutifully followed, realising that there was an alterior motive.

"This bathroom is always deserted, we can talk in here."

"You're used to having secrets then I guess."

"You could say that. How did you end up with vampire blood I you can stand sunlight and garlic and stuff…" Hermione's question was interrupted by an ear piercing wail from Moaning Myrtle, who had now drifted through the toilet cubicles into plain view. "Oh, hi Myrtle, how are you?"

The anticipated reply followed, "I'm **DEAD!**" Another screech made Raven cover her ears, before a look of realisation crossed her face.

"Myrtle? My mother told me about you before she dumped me. Said you used to be friends. She looked like me, shorter hair, no metal through her face?" Myrtle glared accusingly at Raven, who smiled broadly back.

"You _do look amiliar. Gabriella? Was that her name?"_

"Yep, we've both got the same name, how sad is that?"

"She was the only person who was ever nice to me," sniffed Myrtle," tetchy cow sometimes, she could be really nasty, but always apologised. Is she dead too?"

"Yeah, she's a vampire. Was turned while up the duff with me. Out I came, bloodlust and all, but with none of the nasty side effects like spontaneous combustion in sunlight."

Raven felt a twinge of guilt, but put on a brave face.

"She disappeared in her third year. Because she was a Slytherin everyone thought she'd left to join You-Know-Who, but you'd never have taken her for a Slytherin, none of the backstabbing and conniving."

Hermione glanced at her watch, then did a double take, "Raven! We've gotta go, we're 10 minutes late for McGonagall."

Myrtle waved a gloomy goodby and sank back into her regular spot in the U-bend, while the two living girls almost sprinted to Transfiguration. They hurtled through the door to find that the lesson had already begun.

"Sorry we're late Professor, I felt ill during break, and Hermione was holding my hair back while I threw…"

"Yes, thankyou for the details Miss Black. Professor Snape told me to expect a few people to be ill. Making you brew and test that potion yourselves! Especially on your first day! Take your seats."

The lesson was revision of their previous ive years, most of the class were rusty, with the obvious exception of Hermione. Luckily noone was bad enough to warrant homework, unlike Snape's lesson where everyone had been given a three foot long essay on the correct composition, brewing techniques and uses of the potion. The sun made an appearance at lunchtime and determined to enjoy what may have been the last warm day of the year, Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way to the doors to picnic underneath a tree. Raven followed blindly until the light hit her skin. "Erm, yeah guys. Sun. Don't like." Hermione smiled, and cast a spell that tinted the lenses of Raven's black framed glasses. "Sweetness! You'll have to show me that one. Feels like nighttime. Bring it on!" Raven linked arms with Harry and strolled out into the sunshine comfortably for the first time in years.

***

True to her promise to herself, Raven spent most of the evening flicking through magazines and cutting out pictures. Noone in the common room was fazed by this until they saw that the photographs were totally immobile. Word spread like wildfire amongst the students who had grown up in the wizarding world, and soon there was a large group fighting to marvel at the pictures on the discarded pages. Raven looked up after about half an hour of this, smiling a little,

"You think that's cool, look at this." She reached into the bag she had been using on the train and pulled out a CD. "These little things have music stored on them. Well, some people would call this particular one noise, but there's sound on there." She reached in again, retrieving her CD player, inserted the disc and pressed play. When nothing happened she inwardly groaned, remembering that Muggle appliances don't work where there is too much magic. "Stupid thing, gimme a sec. Gotta block the magic from it." She muttered a spell and hit the button again, causing the headphones to rattle. Hermione had strolled over at this point, grinning at the interest in something she had been an owner of for years.

"Sonorus," she added helpfully, causing the Gryffindor common room to be filled with the sound of an American band called Evanescence. The distraction allowed Raven to continue with her task while her 'fan club' were amused changing the CDs and pressing different buttons, hermione overlooking to make sure no damage was done. 

"Hope someone's got plenty of batteries." 

Ron rolled his eyes, "If you run out just owl my dad. He's Muggle obsessed."

The common room started to die down around 10pm as students filtered off to bed. Raven packed her things away around 11pm and headed to bed, making a mental note to put a silencing charm on the hangings around her bed. 

"So…" said Ron once he had heard Raven's footsteps disappear, "what do you guys reckon?"

"I don't think she's the one we've been told to watch out for. She's being far too open."

Harry jumped to his feet, "Why is it always suspicion with you two? Why can't we just make a new friend? Or are you just jealous because she seems more interested in me?"

Ron's ears had turned a vivid shade of red and he stood glaring at Harry, fists clenched. "Me? Jealous of you? Yes I'm jealous of you Harry, the way you're famous and everyone thinks you're amazing. I'm just another Weasley aren't I? I'm nothing."

"Want to swap places then Weasley? You've got a home to go back to, a family who loves you, who don't starve you or deliberately deny you everything you want. Your parents do their best to give you what you need, keep a roof over your head! For eleven years of my life I lived in a fucking cupboard with the spiders! I was beaten twice a day, denied food for weeks. I only went to school so they didn't break the law. And you know what? I thought this was NORMAL!!!"

A creak of the door leading to the dormitories halted Harry's tirade. 

"Sorry, I forgot my quill." Raven looked at the floor, her long hair hiding her face from full view. She had removed her almost-gekky glasses /and looked far prettier without/ noticed Harry. "I'm sorry, I'm going now. Didn't mean to bother you. Going now…" The words from her lips were hurried and barely audible. Harry's furious expression melted into one of concern. 

"Raven, are you alright?" He stepped forward and gently brushed the hair from her face, only to be greeted with a look of sheer terror. Harry gasped and involuntarily took a step backwards. Hermione took his place to the relief of Ron.

"Come on, sit down. What's wrong?" 

Raven flinched from Hermione's touch, "Please don't hurt me."

"Noone here is going to hurt you, you're safe." The words didn't have the desired effect, Raven jumping from the chair she had just sat on.

"Not safe. Never safe. He knows, doing it deliberately. Let me out of here. Not safe here."

"Woah! Slow down. Who did what?"

"Tom. Tormenting me deliberately. Feel people die. Hurts too much. Make it stop." Raven collapsed crying into Hermione's arms, who gently began stroking the upset girl's hair. Harry winced visibly, his scar giving a violent twinge.

"Voldemort. Stupid occlumency! He's happy about something, the bastard."

Raven pushed Hermione away and wandered to the window, staring blankly over the grounds. "What the hell happened to you Tom?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Standard Disclaimer Applies: these people aren't mine except the obvious one.**

**AN: **Still feeling quite disheartened from lack of feedback. That way it looks like noone's reading this and there's no point in carrying on posting, so please let me know whether I'm wasting my time typing this up.

**Chapter 4**

The next morning Raven appeared at breakfast looking even paler than usual with dark circles under her eyes. Hermione had woken up at about 6am to see her sat up on her bed hugging her legs close to her chest. The moonlight streaming through the window illuminated the track of the tears that were falling. This morning however, her face was dry as she sat down to her usual meal of steak. People along the table were beginning to whisper about her strange diet, but Hermione had explained to everyone about anaemia in the common room and that it was almost impossible to get the Muggle treatments whilst at school. This morning the usual look of ravenous hunger was vacant from her lifeless eyes. Hermione leaned over to Harry, concerned about the girl.

"We've got to do something to stope her hunger. She's not showing it now, but she's going to end up doing something crazy if it isn't sorted. I went to the…"

"Library and did some reading…" Harry concluded for her, "but what can we do? She said Snape didn't teach us the right potion."

"Stop talking about me! I have exceptional hearing you know, or didn't your books tell you that? Why not just ask if you want to know something? I've had enough of people going behind my back, now leave me alone. I can take care of myself. I've put up with it since before I could walk so stop interfering. For once in my life I'd like to be a normal student. Need the bathroom, see you in class."

Before anyone could reply Raven had grabbed her bag and strode out of the hall.

"What was that all about?" 

Hermione smacked Ron around the back of the head, "Oh Ron!" she sighed, "You never do get emotions do you? I don't know why I put up wit you sometimes." She grinned despite herself and took hold of Ron's hand on the table. Harry just stared at the pair, and Ron quickly let go of Hermione's hand, ears turning red.

"Are… are you two an item?" Harry was unsure how he had managed to stutter out the words.

"Ummm… yeah we were going to…" Harry cut Ron off by standing up violently, almost knocking Neville out of his seat.

"Don't go giving me that 'we were going to tell you but' crap! Stop hiding things from me, I thought we were friends. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm bloody happy for you, now don't ever bother coming near me again. What's the point in friends when they don't talk to you?" Harry abandoned his breakfast virtually untouched and stormed away from the Gryffindor table, following the path Raven had taken only a couple of minutes before, not caring that the whole school were watching him.

Raven barged her way into a cubicle and locked the door behind her. She uttered a spell which meant that most magical methods wouldn't be able to open the door, put the seat down and sat on it. She let out a noise of irritation and buried her fingers in her hair, letting her head drop down somewhere between her legs. After a few moments she reached into her bag and pulled out a new packet of refill blades for a craft knife, setting them down gently on her knee. Pushing the sleeves of her robes up, her eyes momentarily flicked to the criss-crossed array of scars that covered both arms. 

"Just a fucking freak, noone gives a fuck about you." She muttered the words under her breath, clearly meaning noone but herself to hear them, while pulling out a fresh blade from the pack. "Did you think it would be different this time? I hate you, I want you to die. Pathetic, useless, good for nothing piece of shit." With the final insult she pushed the blade down into her arm, then dragged it roughly across the skin. It instantly began to bleed, the cut was at least a centimetre deep. The blood formed droplets for a few seconds until the surface tension was overcome and the warm red liquid began flowing freely down her arm. Without thinking she repeated this action until she had five separate bleeding woulds on her upper arms. Her energy seemingly drained she slumped back to lean on the cistern, tears being allowed to flow freely down her face.

Harry kicked open the toilet door and, noticing that noone was around, flew into a rage. "Why the fuck do people think I need babying? I'm so fucking sick of this shit!" Without realising he flung his fist towards the mirror, hardly felt his knuckles breaking as the glass smashed. It even took him a few moments to notice the glass shards embedded in his hand, the blood trickling between his fingers. Pausing for a second an idea hit him, and a sort of manic smile revealed itself on his face. Half-heartedly muttering "Reparo" he went through his pockets to find the penknife Sirius had sent him for Christmas a couple of years ago. He snapped the blade open, marvelling at the light reflecting from the sharpened edge. As a test he dragged it across the inside of his forearm. The pain seemed to sum up his anger at everything going on in his life, the colour of his blood felt strangely comforting. He grinned to himself and quickly pocketed the knife, heading towards Defense Against the Dark Arts, but not before making a mental note of how to calm down in future.

***

Raven stumbled into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom five minutes early to find Harry already sat at the back of the room in a corner. Not wanting to appear too antisocial on her second day of class, she took the seat next to him. 

"You're bleeding." Her voice came out in a monotone.

"My fist had an accident with a mirror. It's fixed now though."  Raven glanced over, eyes widening as she saw the blood that was still flowing. She gently took hold of his hand, a ravenous expression crossed her face, and Harry saw that she was trying her best to control herself. Had she just licked her lips?

"Erm, you don't mind if I..? Seeing as you're already bleeding and stuff…" 

"Yeah whatever." Harry nearly jumped as Raven slowly raised his hand towards her lips and began licking his hand clean. A soft groan of satisfaction issued from her lips. "Er Raven, what if someone comes?"

She grinned at him with a look of exquisite pleasure, "Relax, I can hear anyone coming." She lifted her head up slowly, eyes closed. "Damn, you taste good. Next time you hurt yourself, let me know." Before Harry even noticed, she covered the wound with her hand and Harry felt the strange feeling of the skin knitting back together as the cuts sealed themselves.

"Woah! How did you do that without your wand?"

She simply winked at him and whispered one word, "Magic."

A few minutes passed before a breathless Ron and Hermione entered the room, but Harry felt so at peace with the world that he smiled at them, completely forgetting the argument that had taken place a mere 30 minutes ago. Hermione was breathless, her face flushed pink.

"Harry! I'm so sorry! We'd have come sooner but McGonagall had us cornered!"

"Woah, woah. Slow down Hermione. I just over reacted. I'm dead chuffed for you, seriously. About time you got together anyway, you've had it coming for years. So just sit down will you? Let's forget about it."

The couple looked at each other, utterly surprised at Harry's sudden change of heart, but decided to just drop it and took the seats immediately in front of Harry and Raven. The four chatted nonchalently as the rest of the class filtered in in dribs and drabs, yawning sleepily. A group of Slytherins meandered in, led by a strutting Draco Malfoy. Harry groaned as he realised that lessons were not timetabled by houses in the upper years. To the annoyance of Raven, Malfoy took the seat next to her, announcing his arrival with a sharp tug on her hair.

"Touch me again Malfoy and I'll rip your throat out with my teeth. By the way, you should find some more attractive hangers on. That one there has got a face like a Hippogriff's arse."

Pansy Parkinson buried her head in her hands while the other Slytherins glared evilly at the new student. Harry and Ron could hardly suppress their laughter, and even Hermione was having trouble pulling off her disapproving glare. The sniggering ceased as Professor Lupin entered the room, smiling warmly. 

"Good to see you back Professor!" called Dean Thomas. A general murmur or agreement came from around the room, but Lupin waved them off, a little embarrassed. 

"It's good to see you all again, for the benefit of Miss Black and those who's memory has failed them I will introduce myself. I am Professor Remus Lupin. Before rumours start flying around, yes I am a werewolf. However, Professor Snape has kindly agreed to supply me with the Wolfsbane potion which means I am no threat to humans during the nights of the full moon. I'm sure you will all excuse my absences around 'that 

time of the month'." a few people giggled, "However this is no excuse for not doing your homework. I will be leaving full instructions with your cover teachers and we still have a fortnight until the next full moon."

Harry smiled, the presence of Lupin made him feel secure and the thought of one of his father's best friends being permanently around relaxed him a little. "Right, all being said I thought we'd make a start with a little revision."

The lesson was mostly a practical one, demonstrating to Lupin what they had learned during their five years at Hogwarts. The Gryffindors far outshone the other houses, owing mostly to the illicit Defence Against the Dark Arts group Harry had been in charge of the previous year. Gryffindor house left the lesson 100 points up, while Slytherin had only earned 10. Harry, Ron and Hermione had a hurried conversation with their old teacher before leaving for break, however Raven remained in her seat.

"Something bothering you Miss Black?" enquired Lupim, walking slowly to her desk and sitting on top of it.

"Remus, just call me Raven okay. You're going to let it slip sooner or later. I can't stand for you to call me 'Miss Black', it freaks me out and I've got no Muggle doctors to prescribe the happy pills. Oh yeah, if you want me to whip up your potion give me a shout. Severus wouldn't like it but I've already let myself slip. Managed to stop myself from getting killed by Malfoy. I suppose 6th year students shouldn't advertise the fact that they know more than the teacher. Oh, I just don't know any more! Last night I was lying in bed trying to sleep and I felt people dying. Totally freaked and made an arse of myself. Then I see the papers this morning, and it was real. He knows I can feel it. What did I do wrong Remus? Why did I end up like this? As if the vampire thing wasn't enough…"

A knocking on the door interrupted her, and when the visitor showed themselves to be Professor McGonagall Raven made her excuses and left Remus with a concerned expression on his face as she swiftly exited the room. The next lesson being a 'study period', she headed to the common room without paying any attention to other people in the corridors, muttering words softly to herself, "Need music. Makes it go away. Makes it not exist." Even the stares of the other students as she whispered frantically to herself failed to switch off her autopilot and before she realised she was infront of the portrait hole, into the tower and on her bed. She grabbed her CD player and stuffed the earphones in. The volume was cranked up so high that she didn't notice Hermione watching as she sang along to a Muggle band from Finland. 

"From lashes to ashes   
And from lust to dust   
In your sweetest torment   
I'm lost   
And no heaven can help us   
Ready, willing and able   
To lose it all   
For a kiss so fatal   
And so worn   
Oh it's heartache every moment   
From the start 'til the end   
It's heartache every moment   
With you…"

Her voice became desperate and she ignored the tears streaming down both cheeks. Hermione's face had a deathly serious expression, her smile as she had entered the room completely gone as she watched the normally confident girl collapse into despair in front of her.

~***~

**AN: **The song is Heartache Every Moment by the wonderful wonderful band called HIM (HER in the US). Go listen. They rule. Valo is one of my gods.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **Standard Disclaimer applies as per usual, but keep your hands off Raven or she'll get mad. Sorry I'm taking so long typing this up, had mucho stress and an uber lack of motivation. Plus I've been getting more down on paper for later on. Also apologies for typos. I tend to be posting at 4am GMT. 

Also sorry for the delay, I've been resorting to the sort of thing my characters do :oS and I haven't been feeling up to typing something that is triggering for me. Doctors on Friday, eek.

Anyway… lets get on with it.

Raven didn't turn up at lunch, but walked into Transfiguration just as the bell rang, choosing a seat away from everyone else. McGonagall launched into a speech about the course before holding a revision lesson. The only people who could master every task first time were Hermione, Raven and Ernie McMillan, a Hufflepuff prefect. Ron and Harry scraped themselves out of extra homework, but most of the class were told to practice all work back to third year. 

Ron moaned all the way back to the common room about how much work they had done on their first day back. The girls were spared from the full version by going straight to their dorm to get changed, but would have bet that Harry was still getting an earful. Hermione immediately sat on her bed and picked up a book, while Raven had her headphones on again and was dancing around the room singing loudly as she took her robes off. She pulled on a pair of skater jeans and a vest top, followed by her Vans and the jewellery which she had to take off for classes. 

"Almost back to me again."

Hermione stirred, "What? Sorry wasn't paying attention."

"Nothing hon, just talking to myself. What you reading?"

Hermione looked up and caught sight of Raven's upper body properly for the first time. The five parallel cuts on her arm had scabbed over, but she had obviously made no attempt to heal them because they were still a vivid red. The whole of her upper arms seemed to be completely covered in silver and red scars. Hermione gasped loudly and found herself staring.

"What's up Hermione? Oh…" 

Hermione blushed, "I'm sorry I shouldn't stare."

"Nah its no problem, you've probably never seen anyone with self inflicted scars before. I suffer from depression, shit happens." Raven shrugged and began brushing her hair out. Ten minutes later she had put her makeup on and declared herself back to normal, making her way down to the common room. Heads turned as she chose a seat by the fire and began to read a Muggle book about mathematics, completely oblivious to the stares. Hermione emerged about 15 minutes later wielding her arithmancy textbook and a roll of parchment. The first Gryffindor Quiddich training session was to be held this evening and excited chatter filled the common room, either about who people thought were going to make the team, or confused Muggle-born first years who didn't have the slightest idea about the game asking questions. To make things worse, the first years had had their first flying lesson earlier on in the day, and were thoroughly overexcited by the time Harry and Ron emerged with broomsticks slung over their shoulders. The resulting raise in volume meant that Raven and Hermione could no longer concentrate on their books. The established players and those who were hoping to join the team headed for the portrait hole and Raven stood and approached the new team captain, Ron Weasley,

"Can I come out and watch? I'd love to play but I'm not allowed."

Ron, imagining a life without Quiddich, gave in and Raven followed the robed players to the pitch, chatting to Harry about his Forebolt.

It was dark as they made their way back to the castle. Raven had persuaded Harry to let her chase the Golden Snitch on his Firebolt, and Harry found himself relieved that she couldn't play. Her flying was almost to international standard, albeit with a few signs of being rusty. 

"God I was awful! I haven't flown in years. That bludger shouldn't have got within ten feet of me, let alone hit me in the face."

Harry offered her a tissue to mop up the blood from her cheek.

"That looks really bad, you should go see Madam Pomfrey."

Raven waved him away dismissively, "It'll be gone in a couple of hours. I'm hard." Sure enough, when she moved her hand from her cheek the wound had already stopped bleeding and bruising was beginning to appear. Professor McGonagall found them on a staircase, blocking their path to the tower.

"I saw you on Potter's broom Gabriella, I hope you weren't trying for the team."

"No Professor, just messing around. Got clocked by a bludger though! Impressive war wound or what?"

McGonagall tutted, "I trust you'll be mended by tomorrow morning. Potter, do make sure we end up with a good team though, we have a cup to keep. I must admit it looks good with our name on it." As the head of house carried on her way Harry raised an eyebrow at Raven. 

"Thought you'd had it then."

Raven winked at him, "Well, you either got it or you ain't! At least tomorrow's Saturday. I can stay in bed all day."

Stay in bed she did. Hermione woke her up at lunchtime to many muffled protests from underneath the duvet, but half an hour later she appeared srpting bright purple cargo pants and a tight black top. Her hair was neatly plaited down her back, but with the pink bits left loose to partially obscure her face. Satisfied that Harry wouldn't be left alone, Ron and Hermione left for a walk around the grounds to get some alone time. Raven yawned and slumped onto the sofa next to Harry, scratching the back of her neck lazily. 

"So what do you normally do at weekends?"

"Um, I dunno. Go see Hagrid, Quiddich, homework, mess about in the grounds. What do you want to do? We could play chess or something."

"Nah. You know I spent some time studying in the Muggle world, sciences and maths. Everyone was really shocked when I said I couldn't play chess. For some weird reason being top of the year should have automatically made me a chess genius. So I've decided to never learn. Ignorance is bliss. Too much energy to sit down anyway. Adrenaline junkie ya know."

"Well it looks like Slytherin have the Quiddich pitch today. Got any suggestions?" The pair watched people in green robes zooming around the golden hoops on the pitch.

"Hey, can you skateboard? I brought one, and my inlines. We could find some tarmac or something, kick back and have some fun. What

 do you reckon?"

Harry thought back to the time Dudley had been given a skateboard after throwing a tantrum because he didn't have one. It had been top of the range, but once he had fallen off for the first time he abandoned it, giving Harry a chance to use it.

"Yeah, why not? Not tried in years and I'm really bad. Its safer than Quiddich anyway."

The pair spent the afternoon on an impeccably smooth stone courtyard, which was so perfect it could only have been crafted with magic. Ron and Hermione arrived at about 4pm and sat on a stone bench laughing at Harry's attempts to jump over his bag. The day had so far been enjoyable, even if there were a few bruises. It was almost time to go inside for dinner when Harry and Raven had a spectacular crash, leaving them entangled. They lay on the floor for a few moments, long enough for Hermione to rush over concerned.Raven stood, and after regaining her balance grabbed Harry's forearm to help him to his feet. Harry yelped in pain and clutched his arm close to his body.

"Harry! Are you alright? What have you done? Do you want to go to the hospital wing?" Raven stared puzzled for a second as Hermione fussed over Harry, before realisation hit her.

"Oh god, dude I'm sorry! I forgot you whacked your arm earlier. I'll fix it when we get back upstairs."

Harry's tense face melted into an expression of relieved gratitude, especially when Hermione accepted the story and strolled over to Ron. /What would they say if they found out that the famous 'Boy Who Lived' had cut his arms deliberately?\

**AN: **Sorry its such a short one, my fingers are hurting and its 3am. Promise I'll update sooner, and special thanks to AderynGoddess who's review gave me the kick up the arse I needed. And like I said, things haven't been too great at the moment, but I met Raab Himself!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Ok, two short ones in two days to make up for the lack of updates. I'll try get a decent length chapter out over the weekend. Hope you guys think it's worth the wait. I'm off to go get some more down on paper so I don't run out and end up not proof reading and having continuity errors. 

"I didn't fall over!" hissed Harry once Hermione and Ron were safely out of earshot. 

"I just didn't think you wanted her knowing what you did to your arm." Harry's jaw dropped, his ability to speak temporarily absent. "Come on Harry, look at my arms mate. I'm a pro."

Harry suddenly regained the power of speech, "I don't pay attention to scars. I'm sick of mine getting stared at." 

Raven nodded, "Please don't do it again, please don't end up like me." Her smile had disappeared.

"I'd rather be you than me. I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. Rita Skeeter would have a field day if she could see the famous Harry Potter now."

"Who?.. Anyway, if you knew even half of the stuff that's going on in my life you'd take that statement back. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a very lonely world being only part human."

"Remus manages OK."

"Remus is human 27 out of every 28 days, I disgust myself for not being part of any group. Wizards don't want me coz of the vampire part, Muggles because I don't conform, Vampires because I'm alive. The one person I've ever loved doesn't want me. You have friends who care about you more than life, Remus looks at you like you're the son he's been denied. My mother threw me away to rot in the gutter when she set eyes upon me for the first time. I smoke, drink too much and do drugs just so I can get the hell away from this reality. The music I listen to is the only way to express myself without hurting someone. It's too dangerous for me to show my emotions. This is why I hurt myself. I have to let it out. I want to die, and God knows have I tried, but someone always stops me. Then they find out what I am and disown me. Now I've had to come back to school and I'm scared. I don't want to lose control and hurt someone."

"Neither do I. It hurts Ron and Hermione every time I raise my voice. Everyone I care about always gets hurt because of me. Its my fault my Godfather's dead."

"Hey! That was not your fault! Sirius cared about you so much. He still does. He's catching up with his friends and they'll see you again when its your time. I've got noone waiting. I don't even know what'll happen to me, I mean I'm not even human. I just know I don't want to be here. If you knew what I was you'd leave too. I'm meant to be alone. I thought it could be different this time, but it's never going to change. Malfoy got one thing right, I should be in Slytherin." Raven's voice contained a hint of panic, to her normal self this was quite close to hysteria. Harry had no idea what to do as the normally bubbly female collapsed onto a low wall, pulling desperately at her hair. 

"What's the matter freak? Scar head dumped you now he's found out you're a disgusting half-breed? You're not even a real vampire are you loser?"

Malfoy was stood a few feet away sniggering and for a few moments the air was silent, before a girl shrieked, fear in her voice,

"Harry! Get away from her! She's a vampire, she'll kill you!"

Looking past Malfoy, Raven and Harry saw not only a large group of Slytherins, but also the majority of the Gryffindor 6th years. It was Lavender Brown who had shouted. Raven regained her outward composre, but Harry knew inside she was now in a state of utter panic, he could almost feel it radiating from her, but she skated slowly up to Malfoy, so close that he could feel her breath on his cheek. She leaned in even closer, putting her mouth about a centimetre from his ear and whispered in a voice so icy it sent shivers down the blonde boy's spine, "I swear to the Goddess I am going to break you Draco. You're going to wish you never came out from under your father's cloack and messed with me. You chose the worst enemy imaginable. I **will destroy you, emotionally or physically, I don't care. I won't forget this." She licked his neck and lingered for a few seconds more before turning, grabbing her skateboard and skating away, nonchalently pulling off a couple of tricks.**

***

She did not show up in the common room that night, nor was she in bed when Hermione woke from her fitful sleep at 4am. Sure enough, in true Hogwarts fashion, the news had spread like wildfire and hushed whispers were everywhere as though people expected Raven to appear from the shadows and murder them. Around breakfast time the portrait hole sprung open, and a filthy Gabriella Black appeared. The clothes she was wearing were now covered in dirt, and in some places dried blood. Her normally smooth hair was was matted. Hermione hurried over but was completely ignored. Raven headed up the stairs towards the dorm, her arrival marked with screams. The rest of the girls were awake and out of bed in seconds, congregating in the common room in their pyjamas.

"Oh grow up! Can't you all just stop being pathetic and think of someone other than yourselves? You're all just as bad as the Slytherins, judging people on blood." Hermione had tears in her eyes as she shouted and fled up the stairs. Raven was half undressed as Hermione ran in and the sight was definitely not what she had expected. The dirt that had been on her clothes had covered her skin, which was covered in hundreds of scarsof different ages, however the most shocking thing was the blood running down her shoulder blades forming a river down her spine. The source was clearly visible as two deep gouges, one on each shoulder blade. Raven either wasn't in pain or had a very high pain threshold, her face was stony as she performed a cleaning charm on her hair and began to brush it out. 

"Raven, you should go see Madam Pomfrey. You're hurt."

"No I'm not." Hermione shivered at the deathly cold tone of voice. The young woman in front of her was unrecognisable from the person who only yesterday had been skating with Harry, laughing as if she didn't have a care in the world. 

"Raven, don't block us out! We don't care _what_ you are, just _who_ you are. We're not going to chage our minds about liking you for something as small as this."

"Hermione! It's not like me having an extra toe or something! Everyone else thinks it's a big deal. I haven't told you everything because I can't. Malfoy might know, his father certainly does. They're scum. What makes it worse is that I should be in Slytherin. Gryffindor doesn't suit me. I'm leaving."

Hermione lost it. "RAVEN! Stop talking shit! You're not going anywhere. They're just a load of shallow losers who don't know good people when they meet them."

Raven absent mindedly began to fiddle with her necklace. "I just want to feel like I'm not a complete freak. Is that too much to ask?" To Hermione's complete surprise Raven collapsed onto her shoulder and began to cry, loud choking sobs shaking her body. A faint tapping noise on the door caused Hermione to look over her shoulder, only to find Lavender Brown with her head halfway around the door.

"Don't worry, I don't think she's going to bite you right this second." Her voice was filled with hostility. Lavender looked over, and gave a quiet scream as she saw the blood. 

"Stop panicking its only mine. I'll clean up before I go home, wherever home is. I probably won't see you again so… goodbye."

"What? You are NOT leaving! The sorting hat put you in Gryffindor for a reason, now act like you're one and be proud of who you are!" She dropped her voice a little, "How do you think Harry would feel if you went? Everyone he's treated as family has gone. Now a friend he's only just made leaves him. How would that feel to you?"

Raven's voice held no hint of emotion as she replied, "It made me feel like giving myself the huge scar on my left forearm. Who knows if Harry's like me or not? I just hope he isn't because humans would have died." The panic was returning to her voice, "Losing 6 pints of blood before anyone finds you would finish anyone off. For once in my life will someone let me go!!!" The final sentence was screamed as loud as her voicebox could manage before she collapsed onto her knees on the bloodsoaked carpet, sobbing so hard she was gasping for breath. Her head sank lower and lower until her exhausted body gave in to unconsciousness.

**AN: **Personal notes go at the bottom! Went to the doctors today and ended up with my head in a complete mess, so the bits im working on now may be slightly… disturbing. ie. Even more sick and twisted than I imagined the scenes to be. At least I haven't ended up cutting tonight… worship the gods of chocolate fudge cake. As soon as I get a few more reviews I'll reply to them. Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

A pair of emerald green eyes were the first thing that faded into existence as Raven opened her eyes.

"You're awake! Oh my god, I thought you'd given up on me!"

Raven blinked groggily, squinting her eyes at the light. "Too much effort. Sleep."

"No! You have to take your potion. Snape made you some up, thought it might help you recover quicker."

Raven moved slowly to sit up, but her arms wouldn't support her weight. Harry hurried forward and helped her to support herself, rearranging the pillows to make it as comfortable as possible. He reached to her bedside table, picked up the goblet of potion and helped to pour it into her mouth. She swallowed the entire contents and let out a relieved sigh before collapsing again. The students sat in silence, neither knowing what to say, when voices drifted into the side room from the office, and both stayed perfectly still in an attempt to overhear.

"..Think she shifted again, marks are on her back. Also appears to have been attacked, a couple of broken bones. Nothing her body can't handle, although I'm surprised she managed to walk up to her dorm on her own. I'm more worried about the cuts on her arms though, I can't heal the magically so they must be self-inflicted. What sort of person deliberately cuts themselves Albus?"

Raven glanced at Harry, and saw that he had edged towards the door, listening intently to the same conversation.

"What can we do to help her then, Poppy? We failed last time, and look what happened then."

"Headmaster, I think she needs to do it herself, she's the only one who can."

"So you suggest abandoning her to her own devices again? It's a good job she has Miss Granger as a friend or I think she wouldn't be here. Maybe that's the key. I know Lily tried, but Gabriella wouldn't let her in. Hmm… I will speak to you later Poppy, I must go to dinner."

The silver haired Headmaster turned and left the office. Harry, in an attempt to look like he had not been eavesdropping, walked out of Raven's room fixing a false smile on his face.

"Ah, Mr Potter. Poppy tells me you've been here for the past two days and refused to leave on many an occasion. She tells me Gabriella is going to be fine physically, but I must ask you not to leave her alone for any considerable amount of time. As you can imagine we are concerned about her."

"Yes Sir, I'll keep an eye out." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, and as he left Harry went back in to talk to Raven. "What the hell was that all about?"

"Ssh, I don't want them to know I overheard that! I don't appreciate being talked about when I'm not there. Come on; play along! Act like I just woke up!"

Harry feigned a tone of shock, "Raven! Don't freak me out like that! I thought you were asleep! How you feeling?"

The girl glanced at the window, where the light was fading and a few stars were becoming visible.

"It's about breakfast time. I feel like feeding." She grinned at Harry's uncomfortable body language, baring her sharp canines. "Only kidding babes. I like you anyway, you're not food. Pass me that goblet anyway will you?" Harry passed her the pewter vessel, which had refilled itself magically.

"Oh ha, bloody ha Sev. Look, he's taking the piss with all these crosses. He is so going to pay for that." She smiled far too sweetly for it to be innocent, and downed the contents in one go. She passed the goblet back to Harry, who placed it on the table again, and took a deep breath, "Poppy! Can I go to dinner? I'm starving!" She bellowed so loudly Harry was sure she could be heard in Gryffindor tower. The matron hurried in and began fussing around, measuring things like pulse and temperature. It amused Harry to see that her body temperature was about 15 degrees lower than normal. The nurse stepped back and folded her arms.

"If I let you out, you're not to go pulling another stunt like that again! You had us all worried sick. However, maybe the best thing is to get some food. Come back tomorrow before class for a check up. If you don't I'll be locking you in that room for a week!"

Raven jumped out of bed, grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him out of the Hospital Wing and into the corridor.

"Come on Harry! Race you to the Great Hall!"

Harry sighed, there were so many things racing through his head. What was shifting? Was the Lily mentioned his mother? How had there been a 'last time' when she had only been at the school for a week? He looked up to see her already halfway down the corridor.

"Raven, wait! Don't pretend everything's ok when it obviously isn't."

"Stop being a hypocrite and I'll consider it. Actually, I think I'll just go to the dorm, I want music."

"Hey, how come you got let out so quickly anyway? I always get made to stay for days."

Raven flashed her trademark smile at him and winked. "I'm just good like that. She knows what I'm like when I don't want to be somewhere. It's not pretty."

She raced off again, leaving Harry talking to the empty corridor. "But how does she know? What the hell is going on around here?"

The next few weeks passed relatively uneventfully, unless you count Draco Malfoy being humiliated in the advanced Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons. Obviously the ability to cast Unforgivable curses didn't qualify you as able to defend yourself, and the Slytherin prefect spent most of the class being revived after failing to block Hermione's stunning spells. This particular Saturday morning however, the castle was buzzing with activity. The first Hogsmeade weekend had caused excitement for all the students in third year and above. Raven had donned her usual Muggle clothing, while Harry, Ron and Hermione were dressed in their cloaks. The stares Raven had been receiving from the entire school after Malfoy's revelation were beginning to decrease in frequency, and snide remarks were no longer being hissed every time she walked down the corridor. To top it all off, Lavender Brown had been acting almost friendly, therefore Parvati Patil followed suit. Hermione still heard Raven tossing and turning in her sleep, but apparently the nightmares were becoming less intense. Hermione pondered this chain of events as the foursome made their way towards the school gates where Filch was checking the names of the students against a list of those with consent. Raven stepped up to him and said her name,

"Black, Black, Black… Your name isn't on the list, you don't have permission. Get back to the castle, and a detention I think." The caretaker was sneering maliciously as he said this, obviously taking great pleasure in making a student unhappy. Raven put her hand on top of the clipboard with the list on and pushed it down, causing Filch to make eye contact with her. This was obviously the effect she was aiming for.

"Argus, please use what little brain you have. How am I supposed to get a form signed by a parent or guardian when I simply don't have any? Surely you know how old I am, now stop being silly and let me past before you make me do something that is quite painful."

Filch stared for a second, a flash of fear in his eyes, before standing aside, his mouth hanging open. "Of… of course. I didn't recognise you. Go on."

Harry and Ron stared at each other in shock. Their new friend had many secrets, but after a late night meeting in a private room they had decided to not pry any further, Raven would tell them when she was ready. After all, sometimes the secrets had enjoyable outcomes, maybe things were on the up after all. It was a pleasant day, but unfortunately for Ron his parents had decided to have a day trip to the village. Raven delighted Mr Weasley by showing him a small junk shop down one of the back streets that sold Muggle items. This freed Ron and Hermione up to escape to Madam Puddifoots coffee shop. Raven picked up some scratched CDs that had obviously been owned by a wizard family who had no idea what to do with them. Her face lit up as she found one by a band called HIM that she had apparently not been able to find in the Muggle shops over the summer, and one by Killswitch Engage for an apparently bargain price. Harry rolled his eyes at the girl's love of music, especially seeing as if she ever played it in front of the Dursleys they would have a heart attack. For a second he wondered if she could come visit him over the summer holidays to break up the boredom. After finally dragging Mr Weasley away from the shop, they headed up to the Three Broomsticks. It was quite a chilly day and Harry was craving a Butterbeer to warm him up. Madam Rosmerta, the barmaid, greeted the party jovially, but seemed quite taken aback as soon as she saw Raven, who had been stood behind Mr Weasley. The student was embraced in a crushing hug and dragged to the bar for a glass of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey on the house. At some point Hagrid ambled in and sat at their table, taking up an entire side. Harry had no idea how it happened, but somehow Hagrid and Raven ended up having a drinking contest that was only stopped by the realisation that it was time to head back up to the school for dinner. Mrs Weasley tutted at Raven,

"Whatever would your mother say?" As soon as she had said the words she covered her mouth with her hands, "Oh Gabriella, I'm sorry. I totally forgot." Raven raised an eyebrow and grinned drunkenly,

"Don't sweat it Molly, I don't give a flying fuck about her. She dumped me. I hate her. I hate my stupid sister. Screw them, you're more like family than mine ever were. Except maybe Sirius. He was always nice to me."

Harry stopped walking. "You're related to Sirius? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Thought you knew. Sorry mate. Yeah, he's my second cousin or something. All purebloods are related, and my retarded mother would only marry another pureblood. My parents weren't exactly the nicest people, not that I knew them but I heard enough. I'm rambling now, I'll shut up. I'm pissed."

She stumbled on ahead, leaving Harry with his thoughts.

That evening, the Gryffindor common room was full of people showing off their purchases. Raven hadn't sobered up in the slightest, mostly due to the bottle of Firewhiskey she had bought from the pub. Now she was lying on her back on the rug infront of the fire, headphones in ears staring at the ceiling. The room started to empty, and when it was only Harry, Ron and Hermione left, she sat up suddenly,

"You know what? I need a joint." She pointed her wand in the vague direction of the staircase, "Accio tin! Don't look at me like that Hermione, it's not illegal, I checked." Hermione spent the entire time it took Raven to skin up explaining to Ron what she was doing. Raven sat on the window ledge and began to smoke. Hermione tutted and stormed off to the dorm, obviously annoyed by the blatant disrespect for the rules.

Harry awoke that night and for a split second wondered why, that is until the pain hit him. The white hot burning in his scar was on par with a cruciatus curse and he had to dig his fingers hard into his pillow to stop himself screaming and waking the whole dorm. As the agony slowly ebbed away he contemplated going back to sleep, but didn't feel the urge. Instead he pulled on his dressing gown and tatty slippers and headed down to the common room, thinking about catching up with some of the homework he was behind on. Maybe he would see Dobby cleaning and be able to get a pot of tea.

The fire was almost dead, just a few glowing embers remained, making the only source of light the steadily waxing moon that was casting its silvery glow through the window of the tower. Harry sighed, ran his fingers through his ever-messy hair and headed to his usual chair close to the fireplace. As he got closer a strange shape began to form on the hearth rug, obscured by the shadows. Edging towards it cautiously, the dark mass began to take a human shape and the pale moonlight glinted off something metallic, beckoning him even closer. It took a few dazed moments for him to realise what exactly he was seeing. The pieces slotted together and he suddenly became aware of a wetness seeping through the thin soles of his slippers. This snapped Harry out of his trance, he brushed aside an intense feeling of anger from somewhere in his stomach. In front of him was a body, the only visible identifying feature long hair. Gently he rolled the girl over and gasped.

**AN:** Well, thankyou so much to the reviewer who made me dig out my old papers and get typing again. Finally got round to updating, and no I haven't given up on this fic. Lets just say I've had lots going on, but everything's settling down again now. SI free almost 6 months! Go me.

If you guys are still liking it, drop me a review and let me know. Trust me, you wont have to wait so long for the next update!

If anyone wants to contact me directly its now and yes, Raven is still my baby :o)


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